My mind kept darting, urging me to try it after he had left. I watched him get into his car drive away slowly. I went over to the door and locked it, and gave the dildo its first wash. My body tingled with wanting. I took off my underwear and lay on my stomach. The head of the dildo was like the real thing! I used it to tease myself. It shot waves through my body. I started working it in slowly, ever so slowly, and then I increased the tempo. It increased a lot by which time the dildo was about halfway in and then all over a sudden I plateaued. I experienced the sweetest sensation I have ever experienced. My body jerked.

Then I heard the door open and there, standing before me looking dumbfounded, was my husband. Apparently I didn’t lock the door properly and he must have forgotten something behind and had come back home. The dildo was still in between my legs. He was speechless! I was speechless. I didn’t know how to get rid of the dildo. Should I stand up or kneel down to beg with it hanging up there or do I do nothing? He looked at me, really looked at me and walked out. I ran after him almost naked. I didn’t care about the maid seeing me like that. I said “Mogbe, I’m dead” running after him “OH my God I’m dead… I’m finished! Jide please…I’m so very sorry…” he slammed the door on my face. I don’t know if he was crying. But his shoulders drooped and he walked funny. I sat down on floor and wept. Is this how I get sex in my marriage, I sat there weeping.

He didn’t come home for 2 days and he had turned his phone off all of that time. Shame did not let me call any of  his friends. I just  couldn’t. I had made up my mind that if I waited till the 3rd day and he still wasn’t home, I’d go  report him at the police station as missing. When he did come home, he was wearing the same clothes and reeked of booze. As I heard his feet coming up I ran to the door, he opened it and meets me on my knees. I begged and sobbed and held on to his legs. He looked different, forlorn and dirty but different. He peeled off his clothes and went to the shower. I cried and begged as I followed him. He turned around all of a sudden and said ‘Why Bisi, why?”. I said I was sorry and that I didn’t know what got into me. He smirked. ”You’ve been seeing someone” I know you have. You filthy dirty thing, you don’t even have the fear of God in you. You fabricated lies against me to the man of God, so that you will be justified when you’re caught being unfaithful” He kicked , slapped me and kept slapping me, kicking me till I curled up in a bundle to protect my head and stomach on the floor. This is the price of wanting good sex in my marriage. He then spat and said “that’s the treatment dogs get”. I want you out of my house before I get out of the bath”.

The rest is a long story. He brought the children back from England and had taken DNA tests. There was a spare room in  my family house and that is where I lived and that is where several of his relatives came to spit at me and accuse me of infidelity. They called me names. The children were not allowed to see me for almost seven months. I wept every day. He had changed the children school in England and cut off all means of communication with the children. My family had asked me whether my husband accusations were true. I couldn’t tell them anything. Somehow they respected my silence and didn’t pry too much. They supported me, the best way they could and made several attempts at a reconciliation but my husband refused all entreaties. After almost one year he agreed for a family meeting.

This was the second time as an adult that I knelt down completely, the first was at our marriage. Now I was in the center of what was once my living room. The décor had changed and all the household staff were new. I felt like a thief. His people sat on one side of the room and mine the other. My senior Uncle Alhaji cleared his throat and gave a brief summary of the reason for the joint family meeting. The other family responded. They said much and gave many examples of marriages of high society wives that had been unfaithful in their marriages and had been forgiven by their husbands. They said they could speak on Jide’s behalf. Jide would only accept my apology if I signed a document to stay completely out of the lives of the children. I would get a healthy monthly stipend and a decent flat in Ajah. I had been warned by my family not to interrupt or interject in the whole discussion, but when I heard the conditions I stood up on my feet and screamed “I will speak now” I don’t care anymore, nobody will stop me from being with my children any more. My Uncle winked at me and gave me a sign to hush up and continue to kneel down.

I looked at Jide for the first time in one year. He had lost weight and had developed dark circles under his eyes. I went to stand before him and looked at him straight in the eyeballs. I said to everyone’s hearing.

I have been your wife for 15 years. I have never been unfaithful to you, the only other man I slept with is right here “everyone looked around confused there was silence. I got up and walked over to where my hand bag was, I brought out the dildo and raised it up in the air for all to see “There was no foreplay with you and your dick was up for about 2 minutes every time you made love to me. I found a solution to help me and prevent me from going out of marriage. You caught me using it and you didn’t take time to examine yourself and ask me why I used it, you went around telling everyone you caught me with a man in our bed” I have kept your secret all this time because I didn’t want anyone to think you were less than a man. I tried to get you counselling you refused!

I swear this by the God that made me and the heads of all the children I have had for you, if I tell a lie refute it before everyone! “There was complete silence.

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